Tips for the first time you have sex

Just like before an important exam or interview, put your Google skills to use. Don’t turn to magazines - you don’t need sensationalized stories but biological facts. There are many trusted medical sources you can turn to - and even though you might think you’ve learnt all of this back in school, trust us, they definitely skipped some important bits. So understand what really happens anatomically. For example, there will be no breaking or tearing of the hymen - that was a myth that came from misunderstandings about the female body. The correct term would be for the hymen to stretch - and the stretching can happen because of many reasons like fitness activities, masturbation, etc. If you’re a physically active woman, your hymen may have already stretched enough to make your first time comfortable. And if you’re a smart man - don’t expect there to be vaginal bleeding during her first time. It’s doesn’t always work that way. 

First things first, why is protection necessary? Because without it, you are at an increased risk of getting pregnant as well as contracting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and infections (STIs). We’re sure that’s not something you want to worry about right after the first time you have sex, right? 

Now, on to deciding which birth control method you want to go with. There are many options available - from male and female condoms to contraceptive pills and IUDs (intrauterine devices). The only ones that ensure safety from STDs though are condoms. And even then, there are many types to pick from. There are sizes to consider, flavours to pick from and even texture can come into play (for example ribbed and spotted). Till the time you get the size right though, everything else doesn’t necessarily need to be a decision to stick with forever - you can experiment as you go and develop likes and dislikes in this new area. 

Wouldn’t you rather be comfortable with your own body before getting into bed with someone else? If you’re feeling at all anxious about having someone see you in a way no one else has yet, it’s best to fit in a private session for just yourself first. Get in front of the mirror, take your clothes off, notice each and every detail about your body. Then explore it with your hand, see how it feels, what brings you pleasure and what doesn’t feel so great. Make a note of these little things before having sex for the first time so you can direct your partner better during your time together. 

Your comfort is of the utmost importance. And the best way to ease your mind is by speaking to your partner about it. Don’t be shy or feel embarrassed - all couples go through this. Have an open and honest conversation about how you’re feeling, what scares you and what excites you about the idea of having sex. Ask them questions as well, find out what’s going on in their mind and how they’re feeling about it. You can even research together and have discussions about the things you come across. Just remember - if you don’t feel comfortable talking about sex, you might not feel so comfortable having it either. 

You prepped and prepped… It’s time to ask yourself if you feel ready. Always give yourself the option of backing out or postponing - you don’t need to go through with it if you have even a single doubt in your mind. And this applies forever - whether it’s a week before you plan on having sex or you’re already naked and in bed with your partner. No moment is too late to say no. And you don’t need to apologise for it either. Your body, your choice - always.

Take your time. There is no prize waiting at the end of this. It’s okay to start off with exploring each other’s body the first few times you’re together. Take it step by step so as to ease your mind and body into it - and your partner’s. Take the time to notice what they’re feeling at every stage as well. If you feel they’re uncomfortable at any point, pause, discuss it and then take a call if you want to continue. 

Yes, quickies look sexy in movies and tv shows. But foreplay is a must during your first time. Set the mood, dance and flirt, kiss and touch - do all the underrated sexy things. A woman’s body needs time to get ready. Natural lubrication is essential for making penetration less painful. First times can be completely pain-free if you take this seriously enough. 

Okay, so bodies aren’t perfect. Even if you take all the time in the world for foreplay, you might not have enough lubrication. This is where store-bought lubes come in. You can use a water-based one to ensure that the condom stays intact since oil-based ones can cause the condom to wear down a bit. And just remember - the more lubrication, the better the sex. So apply generously (and reapply as many times as you need) to make intercourse more pleasurable for the both of you.

Nobody is perfect the first time around. Nobody. Trust us, you won’t be any different. And anyway, the point isn’t for it to be perfect, that’s what the rest of your life is for. Each time will probably be a little better and some experiments might not go so well. The first time is just the beginning of a very long journey. So don’t stress too much about doing everything right and making it seem sexy - there will be awkward bumping of parts of your body, some unavoidable messiness and sounds you definitely would have liked to avoid if you could. It’s all okay and completely normal. You’ll find your rhythm with time.