Foreplay

Foreplay may mean different things to different people but it usually involves a number of smaller activities that stimulate the mind and the body at the same time. These common methods of foreplay increase intimacy, build confidence and improve body familiarity while also working to help your heart pump faster so that your blood rushes to your genitals and leads to sexual arousal. It is important to remember that every foreplay method involves unlimited avenues for experimentation and improvement, which is a great way to keep monotony and low libido at bay. The following are some of the most common foreplay methods -

(Read more: How to increase libido)

Foreplay definitely plays a physical and sexual role, but there is an emotional and psychological purpose for it that is equally crucial. This is the reason foreplay is very important and can provide you with multifaceted benefits. It is important to note that you are likely to reap these benefits no matter what your gender or sexuality. The following are the key benefits of foreplay.

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Even if you think of foreplay as simply a warm-up exercise, you need to give it enough time. Foreplay should last for as long as required so that your sexual desire and arousal are both equally heightened. However, people often disagree about the ideal duration of foreplay and also underestimate the actual duration of foreplay - primarily because this is not an activity you would ever do by the clock. Further, foreplay duration is something that is also largely dictated by individual choices and the needs of the relationship.

(Read more: Persistent genital arousal syndrome)

This is the reason why you would be hard-pressed to find any scientific stipulations regarding the ideal or actual duration of foreplay. Studies are much better able to throw light on the tendencies and perceptions regarding foreplay duration. For example, a study published in The Journal of Sex Research in 2004 reveals that the ideal length of foreplay did not differ for men and women. However, men tended to report a significantly higher duration of intercourse than their female partners. The study also noted that the ideal duration of foreplay reported by both genders was much longer than the actual duration of foreplay. Women, in particular, underestimated their male partners’ desired duration of foreplay indicating that perceptions and stereotypes - especially the stereotype that men do not find foreplay as important as women do - have a huge role to play in the actual duration of foreplay.

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Instead of thinking of foreplay as a chore or an unnecessary part of your sexual life can be a huge mistake no matter what your gender and sexuality. Not engaging in foreplay adequately should be seen as a missed opportunity for greater pleasure, not just for you but also for your partner. Therefore, engaging in foreplay is a must for a good sex life. However, many people find it difficult to freely engage in foreplay due to stigma, shame and even inexperience. You need to remember to think beyond these as sexual pleasure is an important part of life and can naturally provide you with many benefits. The following are some tips you can use to engage in foreplay.

• Know yourself: Knowing your own body and mind - especially what excites both - is very important even before you initiate foreplay with a partner. How else would you communicate your individual likes and dislikes? Exploring your own body is also important because it can help you recognise if anything hurts or if there are any signs of complications. If you do feel something is wrong, consult a doctor.
• Talk it out before: Foreplay is much more than a warm-up to the act of sex, so you can start out by discussing your needs as well as your partner’s needs. Discussing your fantasies and what gives you pleasure can help build intimacy and shed inhibitions in both a new relationship and an old one.
• Try a variety: You are unlikely to find out if a method of foreplay works for you or not unless you give it a try. So, be open-minded and try a variety of foreplay methods. However, it is very important to get your partner’s consent before you try anything new. If both of you are not on the same page, foreplay would be much less enjoyable and could also lead to awkwardness, discomfort, injury and worse.
• Skip the shame: While a lot of stigma and shame is still ascribed to sex and foreplay in many parts of the world, you should strive to overcome it especially in your personal space with your partner if nowhere else. Feeling safe to explore and improve in your own personal and sexual space is very important for your mental health as well as physical health. The same goes for your partner too. 
• Communicate: Talking to your partner during foreplay and sex is just as important as talking before it. Communicating with your partner can help you both understand each other’s needs better and this is likely to improve sexual pleasure and satisfaction too.
• Give it some time: Foreplay is a process and it does not come with an on and off switch. So, take it slow and take your time. If things do not work out the way you expected them to, do not blame yourself or your partner. Instead, start over and keep trying to find out what works for both of you and what doesn’t.
• Ask a doctor: There are many reasons why sexual health problems arise. If you face any problems in performing or getting satisfaction during foreplay and sex, do not wonder about your problem or take sexual health advice from just anybody. Instead, talk to an expert or doctor about your problems so that you can get appropriate advice and treatment.

(Read more: Men’s sexual problems and solutions)

People often do not engage in foreplay or engage in it the wrong way because of their misconceptions. These misconceptions are likely to come in the way of your sexual satisfaction as well as your partner’s. This is the reason why acknowledging these misconceptions and rectifying them is important. The following are some of the misconceptions about foreplay that you must let go of.

• Foreplay always leads to sex: Foreplay does not necessarily need to culminate in oral sex, vaginal sex or anal sex. In fact, foreplay can be an important and enjoyable activity in itself, especially if you are engaging in it when your partner is not physically present or nearby. Because foreplay includes a wide range of activities, including massaging the erogenous zones of the body, it can lead to mutual masturbation and orgasms even without requiring penetrative sex. (Read more: Common mistakes during sex)
• Foreplay and oral sex are the same: As mentioned before, foreplay does not necessarily require the involvement of or the stimulation of the genitals. Foreplay can lead to sexual anticipation and satisfaction without necessitating penetrative sex of any type. This is the primary reason why foreplay and oral sex are not synonymous. On the other hand, if foreplay leads to oral sex and better sexual satisfaction then that is up to your partner and you. Remember to get consent before initiating oral sex or any other type of penetrative sex with your partner. (Read more: Lubricants)
• Men don’t need foreplay: The idea that men do not need or require any foreplay or can get aroused with the bare minimum of foreplay is a myth. Men have almost as many erogenous zones as women (if not more) and stimulating these by taking the time to engage in foreplay can lead to higher sexual satisfaction. A study published in The Journal of Sexual Research in 2004 reveals that men, same as women, expect to engage in foreplay for almost 10-20 minutes. (Read more: Penile burning sensation)
• Women can’t orgasm without foreplay: As opposed to the view that men don’t need foreplay at all, the misconception about women says that they cannot orgasm at all without some or adequate amounts of foreplay. Studies reveal that orgasm depends on the rush of adequate blood to the genitals, particularly to the labia and clitoris for women. If the sexual or erotic stimulus is strong enough, this process can occur in a few minutes. However, women may need more active stimuli to be properly engaged in satisfactory sex and reach an orgasm, which is why engaging in at least some foreplay - even if it is sexting or watching an erotic film together - works better for women.

(Read more: Women’s health)

Like most activities, sexual activity too can get monotonous. Add to this the daily stressors you may experience at work or in your personal life, and achieving sexual satisfaction can become more difficult. Foreplay, instead of being a mere prelude to sex, can be an enjoyable act or series of acts that reduce mental stress, relax you and provide immense amounts of pleasure no matter what your sexual orientation or gender.

Further, engaging in foreplay is a way of communicating and giving pleasure as much as it is about taking pleasure. This is the reason why many sex experts also believe that foreplay can bring excitement and intimacy back into your life and relationship. No two people may have the same ideal duration for foreplay or even derive the same amount of pleasure from the same acts of foreplay. Exploring your own sexuality as well as your partner’s can provide you with better insight into which foreplay methods work best for you. In case you encounter any sexual health problems along the way, it is recommended that you talk to a doctor or sexual health expert to understand the underlying problem.